Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the condom got lost in my hair
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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