Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
