Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
