Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
