also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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