If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
