; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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