The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
