Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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