Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
