NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
