yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
