You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
