I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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