My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize