I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
