I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
