This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
