Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
