all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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