oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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