thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
