masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
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Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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