booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
