thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
