just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
