My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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