You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
