I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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