how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
