Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
