She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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