are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
