Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
