i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
