Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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