i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
