my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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