Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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