can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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