My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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