The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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