My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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