my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
