awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
