It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
