a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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