I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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