He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
