It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
