I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
