also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
