a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
