East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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