Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
