Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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