They should really pass out barf bags in church
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
