dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
